Wednesday, December 16, 2009

who needs a title

I'm melancholy today, probably not a good day to write a post. But it's either this or clean or exercise. So I'm posting. I don't enjoy Christmas, I never have. I started doing decorations when we had Lincoln. I pretend for him and I love to see the excitement in his eyes, but I personally don't enjoy it. I feel like I'm a bad gift giver, I don't enjoy parties and I don't enjoy shopping in the crowds. I've tried the earlier shopping but then I just end up buying too much. I always procrastinate my shopping which makes even worse presents. I just want it to be January. I love the calmness January brings, no one needs to see you (they just did in December). Its too cold to go out, so everyone just stays in. My birthday is in January, and all the deals are in January.
I used to always get angels off angel trees and I really enjoyed buying stuff for people I didn't know, (I didn't have to see their faces opening the presents. ) But this year things are just too tight. I think it is really good to have a tight Christmas, I think it helps the family come together, and it definitely makes me use my long neglected (somewhat crappy) creativity. But it adds stress. I like stress, I can feed off of it sometimes. But as a mom, the stress doesn't mesh well with the kids. (If Ruby would sleep, man I miss sleep)
I talked to a lady yesterday who is taking her kids and her husband on a Caribbean cruise leaving tomorrow and not coming back until after Christmas. They had no tree, no decorations and were just packing (and all tan). Can I tell you I was so jealous. I came home and looked at all my decorations and my tree with no presents under it (you don't want to know how much shopping I still need to do) and just thought, "its going to take me forever to take all this down." I told Jared that I was jealous, and he thinks I'm crazy. He loves Christmas, like everyone else. :) So I need to take a big breathe, hold my head up and smile. I need to get my Christmas shopping done (eh.. started...) And when people tell me you are missing the real spirit of Christmas, I'll smile and say, I know, I'm working on I secretly wish for January.


Michelle said...

remember when we would listen to records and scoot around in new slippers and try to shock each other? Or try not to get wacked by GG Day's cane? Or when you convinced Janay and I to sneak downstairs with you before anyone was up and I saw my most favorite doll ever laying on the piano and freaked out and you very seriously told me that I had to have that same reaction when we came down for real and we CAN"T TOUCH anything. Or Hiding our stockings and somehow santa always knew where they were.
I think you are getting old and forgetting how much fun Christmas day is. I agree on the leading up to stuff, but the day of was always soooo much fun.

grandma blair said...

:)I love you Anna.
I remember when we had no money at all for Christmas, and it happened more often than I would like to remember, but it always worked out somehow, and according to Michelle it was soooo much fun.

Cindy said...

Sorry you are having a down day. I think having my kids is the reason I enjoy any holiday. When they all move out someday, who knows what a grump I'll be. Im the opposite of you, I usually have fun in Dec and dread January, so at least you have your birthday to look forward to :)

Eve said...

I think I am a Christmas person, but I do find myself wishing December would just be over already when I think about all the presents I still need to find/ make and the cards I need to get out.

But I can't wait to see all the fun my kids (kid? The little one will not care, I'm sure) will have.

red said...

Just the other day I was wondering how Mom and Dad did it because every year it seemed like we got tons of cool stuff. Chirstmas is a lot harder when you're the Mom trying to make it special and it seems like every day is insane and the house is messy and you don't really get to enjoy the Christmas decorations anyway. But Lincoln will remember the tree and all the decorations. And he won't know that you don't like Christmas. And I disagree I think you're a really awesome present giver. I just stopped caring what the reaction was (unless it's a niece or nephew.) You're amazing. You're running a pre-school, taking care of your kids and husband and you ALWAYS look nice and your house is soo much cleaner than mine will ever be. Not that I'm putting you on a pedestal but if you don't really like Christmas it's not that big of a deal because you're an amazing awesome person so hating Christmas isn't a big deal :) I remember sneaking out Christmas morning. Do you guys remember that morning when I got the scooter? I think that Anna got a mirror that year. I remember sneaking out many Christmases and Anna always telling us not to touch stuff. I remember Michelle would always hide her stocking and I would always tell Dad where it was so she would't be sad when Santa couldn't find it. The years when you can't give extra stuff to other people always suck. But you have to remember how much you help everyone (EVERYONE) all year long. Besides you really like Halloween ;)