I've had a weird body image since I've lost weight (forty pounds :) ) I'm still surprised everytime I see pictures of myself or catch a glimpse in the mirror. I've been more unhappy about my body than before I lost the weight. I didn't mind being bigger and I didn't worry about it. But I still feel like the fat girl in the room. I'm afraid I have a lot of small skinny friends, who i love, but I'm still the fat girl in the room. :) Anyway, I am getting to my point.... eventually.
Jared jumps on the trampoline with the kids, always has. It gives me a moment and usually it helps while I make dinner. I didn't like to because it made me sweat and was hard work and I just didn't want to.
The other day Ruby was screaming for me to come jump, I ignored it and ignored it than thought oh, I'll just jump a little. The sun was shining just right that I could see my reflection on the windows as I jumped. And just so happened that I had on my "jeggings" that day. (you know the super tight ones the skinny girls are afraid to wear. :) Anyway.... As I jumped I caught a glimpse of my legs and ass. I couldn't stop looking. I was so surprised those were my legs. I kept double checking to see if maybe the window was distorting my image, but the kids looked normal. I was jumping, not sweating, and really enjoying playing with my kids. I wasn't getting tired. This was an AHA moment for me. I was thinking, "I'm not that big, I look good"
It was a wake up call. It's been weird, I've been more concerned about my body image, my weight and my calories than I ever had in my life. I've been so sad over my flabby skin and working so hard I haven't been able to enjoy the fact that I'm forty pounds smaller!!!! :)
I'm going to throw my shoulders back, hold my head high and be happy with me. And I'm going to eat that cake with out the guilt!!! I'm going to try harder to not think negative thoughts, and to not worry about the weight (I'm always thinking, five more pounds and I'll be happy). I'm going to try really hard to be happy. REALLY REALLY.
And all of you people who are smaller than me, it's ok. :) I forgive you.
Really weird picture of me playing with my preschool kids. but the only one I have that's recent. I need to take more pictures of me. :)