Thursday, March 17, 2011

My AHA moment.....

I used to hate to be around people who were losing weight. They talk about calories and exercise and can't believe you can eat "all of that" So annoying. I've tried not to be that person but when you are counting calories and working so hard it is really hard not to be that way. Whenever I watched Biggest Loser I was always so put off by the amount of pride the people had on their weight loss. "I am so proud of myself, I'm amazing!" This sounded so cocky and selfish "I'm doing this for me, it's about me" I didn't understand that. Until the other day.
I've had a weird body image since I've lost weight (forty pounds :) ) I'm still surprised everytime I see pictures of myself or catch a glimpse in the mirror. I've been more unhappy about my body than before I lost the weight. I didn't mind being bigger and I didn't worry about it. But I still feel like the fat girl in the room. I'm afraid I have a lot of small skinny friends, who i love, but I'm still the fat girl in the room. :) Anyway, I am getting to my point.... eventually.
Jared jumps on the trampoline with the kids, always has. It gives me a moment and usually it helps while I make dinner. I didn't like to because it made me sweat and was hard work and I just didn't want to.
The other day Ruby was screaming for me to come jump, I ignored it and ignored it than thought oh, I'll just jump a little. The sun was shining just right that I could see my reflection on the windows as I jumped. And just so happened that I had on my "jeggings" that day. (you know the super tight ones the skinny girls are afraid to wear. :) Anyway.... As I jumped I caught a glimpse of my legs and ass. I couldn't stop looking. I was so surprised those were my legs. I kept double checking to see if maybe the window was distorting my image, but the kids looked normal. I was jumping, not sweating, and really enjoying playing with my kids. I wasn't getting tired. This was an AHA moment for me. I was thinking, "I'm not that big, I look good"
It was a wake up call. It's been weird, I've been more concerned about my body image, my weight and my calories than I ever had in my life. I've been so sad over my flabby skin and working so hard I haven't been able to enjoy the fact that I'm forty pounds smaller!!!! :)
I'm going to throw my shoulders back, hold my head high and be happy with me. And I'm going to eat that cake with out the guilt!!! I'm going to try harder to not think negative thoughts, and to not worry about the weight (I'm always thinking, five more pounds and I'll be happy). I'm going to try really hard to be happy. REALLY REALLY.
And all of you people who are smaller than me, it's ok. :) I forgive you.

Really weird picture of me playing with my preschool kids. but the only one I have that's recent. I need to take more pictures of me. :)

11 comments:

Kim said...

Anna, you look great. You can never be someone else, just the best form or yourself. I learned that after losing weight because I was still not as small as my friends, but it was my best to that point, and that felt good. Anyway, you should be very proud of yourself. Enjoy it for awhile before you get pregnant with twins and gain it all back. :)

Kristine said...

P.S. love the shoes!! Wow 40 lbs you completely have bragging rights that's crazy awesome!! You keep looking in that window cause you look great!

Eve said...

I am glad you had your aha moment, but am sad you didn't feel that way all along! 40 pounds is a big difference, and HARD WORK. You look great and I love your skinnies!

Mel said...

You have looked great in your skinny jeans for a really long time! I thought you already had your aha moment. You inspire me!!

Regina said...

Soooo, do I have to forgive you for being the skinny one? I kinda don't want to. lol You are awesome and look great.

Michelle said...

If I were a guy you'd be on the floor ;)
You look awesome and I hate you for that, Why do women do that? Okay... I love ya. I'll brag when I've lost 40 and buy my first pair of skinnies.

Amy said...

I know how hard you work and I know how you feel! You should be very proud of all of it. And twins.... :) I would like to see that.

Daniel said...

You're amazing! And I keep telling you you look super hot I'm really glad you finally noticed :) Good job, You have worked so hard. And you look great.--janay

Daniel said...

sorry I'm sure it will be awkward when you read my comment logged in as Daniel :)

Darci and Ryan said...

You do look awesome!!!!! And you should be proud. ;-) You go girl!

Cindy said...

40 lbs is crazy hard work! Yea for Anna, you look great!